Optimism Often Leads Success Seem Like the Only Acceptable Option, Yet Humility Permits Grace

When I grew up in the 1990s, the government appeared to think that wage disparity between genders could be tackled by advising females that anything was possible. Splashy, lurid pink ads convinced me that institutional and cultural obstacles would yield to my self-belief.

Scholars have since refuted the idea that a person can transform their existence through positive thinking. An author, in his work Selfie, analyzes how the neoliberal myth of equal opportunities supports much of self-help culture.

Yet, I still feel that still believes that by putting in the work and assemble a firm goal map, I can achieve my wildest dreams: the sole barrier to my fate rests on my shoulders. How do I find a point of equilibrium, an equilibrium between having faith in my boundless abilities but not blaming myself for each setback?

The Solution Resides in Modesty

The answer, as stated by an early Christian thinker, a theologian from ancient Africa, is humility. Augustine noted that humility served as the base of every other moral quality, and that for those pursuing divinity “the first part involves humility; the next, modesty; the third, self-effacement”.

As someone who left the church like me, the term modesty might stir a range of negative emotions. My upbringing occurred in an era of the church when caring about your looks constituted the sin of vanity; physical attraction was deemed improper outside of procreation; and even pondering solo sex was a punishable offence.

I doubt that the saint meant this, but over a long period, I mixed up “modesty” with guilt.

Constructive Meekness Does Not Involve Personal Disgust

Practicing humility, based on psychiatrist Ravi Chandra, does not mean despising yourself. Someone who is healthily humble is proud of their capabilities and accomplishments while recognizing that learning never ends. He describes eight kinds of humility: modesty regarding cultures; meekness across ages; modesty in knowledge; meekness about what one knows; modesty in abilities; appreciation for others’ wisdom; reverence for the sublime; and humility in the face of suffering.

Studies in psychology has likewise discovered numerous advantages arising from open-mindedness, including enhanced endurance, acceptance and relatedness.

Humility in Practice

In my work in spiritual support roles at senior facilities, I now think about modesty as the practice of being present to the other. Meekness serves as a centering practice: returning, breath by breath, to the floor under my feet and the person sitting in front of me.

There are some residents who tell me repeated tales drawn from their experiences, repeatedly, during each visit. In place of monitoring time, I attempt to hear. I aim to remain inquisitive. What can I learn from this human and the stories that have stayed with them while other things faded?

Creative Quietude

I try to live with the Taoist attitude which expert Huston Smith called “creative quietude”. Thinkers from Taoism encourage humans to quiet the ego and live aligned to the natural order.

This might be especially relevant amid efforts to restore the harm humanity has caused on the environment. In her book Fathoms: The World in the Whale, Rebecca Giggs notes that embracing modesty allows us to re-connect with “the animal inside, the entity that fears at what twitches beyond the campfire light". Taking a position of humility, of ignorance, allows us to remember our species is a part of an expansive system.

The Elegance of Modesty

There’s a desolation and despair that follows assuming no limits exist: success – whether this means becoming wealthy, losing weight, or winning the presidential race – transforms into the single permissible result. Humility permits elegance and setbacks. I embrace meekness, grounded in reality, implying the essentials are available to grow.